The Cry of the Helpless and Unable

The more I get into life, the more I realize I can't do it. The more I get into life, the more I see that I am a sinner. The more I walk my path, the more I see that I am helpless to be or do anything good, true or beautiful. The more that I live, I see that I know nothing.

But with every step of the way I realize more and more that Jesus can do all things. I see that Jesus is the all-knowing, the all-powerful, the all-good. And no matter where I am, or what stage I am in; whether single or married, poor or rich, friendless or popular, accepted or rejected, despised or adored, I just have to step out of the way and let Jesus live through me or else it will all fall to pieces.

Help me, oh God! Help me! I am hopeless, useless and alone without You!

The Blessed Hope

Well, the good Lord has chosen for me to struggle once more. Yesterday at 2:30pm I had my second generalized seizure while getting ready to go see my girlfriend. We were pulling out of the driveway when all of a sudden my right arm went numb and began to stiffen. I panicked, with horrid anticipation of what was to happen next. My neck tensed completely and I felt my eyes rolling back as I repeated "Oh no, oh no, oh no..."

Then it went black. According to my parents I convulsed violently, drooled saliva mixed with blood, and finally stopped convulsing and went into a vegetative, dead stare. It was a classic generalized seizure that most likely was epileptic in nature.

In things like that, nobody has control but God--and God's hands are good hands. There are several last-minute things that if they hadn't happened things could have been so much worse. Yes, even in something like that, God is good to protect and care for His people. We can trust Him with everything!

But in this new development and others recently the Lord has grown my love for the precious doctrine of Christ's return. The whole seizure situation has not gone well in my opinion as the various diagnoses have pulled my heart from having my hopes up to having them dashed to pieces. A five and a half day hospitalization left me thinking that in all probability I did not have epilepsy. Now just in the past week lymphoma has come up and just yesterday epilepsy has again been brought back on the table.

But the mere fact that in the past my hopes got up at all is a testimony to my sin. Scripture emphatically teaches us that our hope is to be in the glorious second coming of Christ in which all our sickness, pain, death, sin and enemies will give way to an eternity with God and His people in pure joy. And in these struggles I have learned to, with eager anticipation, hope in the day when all suffering will be abolished, not for pleasure's sake, but that we may worship Christ in perfect astonishment, enjoying the outcome of what He accomplished on the cross. Oh, for the day to hasten! To see Christ on His throne, to, knowing the pain is over, hear His welcome into an eternity of unspeakable grandeur and peace! It will make the sufferings of this present time so miniscule that to compare them would be absurd. They are not worthy to be compared!

I am sorry to say that on this point many of my dear brothers communicate the end times very wrongly in my opinion. In some circles the second coming of Christ is taught as an occasion for great fear and reason to "clean up your act." The preaching goes "You had better make yourselves ready, for Christ is coming and all of your most minute sins will be rehearsed to all creation. If you're not a "victorious Christian" you will be a pauper in eternity."

This reasoning, in my view, misses the entire impact of Eschatology on Christian ethics. The end times should not strike fear in Christians as if it will be a negative day for God's people, and the Lord forbid it being motivation to fear the opinion of man if one's sins are revealed to the universe. The word used in relation to the end times when it comes to Christians is "hope," not dread. Hope, hope, hope. It is our hope of eternal glory that should motivate us to holiness. Knowing the pure gladness that awaits us and the glory of being with Christ forever should encourage us to be godly men and women--Hope leading to godliness is the pattern of Christian ethics when it comes to Eschatology.

And great hope we have, because it is secured by the cross of Christ, the object of our faith. Look for that blessed hope, brothers and sisters; whatever your struggles and burdens, they will be lifted in the eternal rest. Let that drive you forward to the prize of the upward call in Christ Jesus.

"Amen, come Lord Jesus."--Revelation 22:20

The Call

Maybe we should spend less time
Gazing hard at the skies
Did Jesus do such a thing?
Stand by, God's call to bring?

I heard one say,
O, to wait upon the Lord!
Yes, but work while it is day
Wait with a drawn sword

Maybe we should spend less time
Gazing hard at the skies
Because while out the window peering
God has placed people ever-needing

Instead of piously seeking God
As to what you must do
Go out and serve, for no applause
See if the call comes to you

An Empire of Love

"I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creation of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

--Napoleon Bonaparte

New Principles on Suffering

Well, I doubt anyone ever reads this anymore since I deleted my Facebook account and buried it in an unmarked grave. Hopefully this post reaches the eyes of those who I have not talked to in ages after getting rid of it.

I got sick again last October and it has been an immense learning experience as I've gone up and down trying to figure out how to handle my new struggles. I have had moments of great strength as well as moments of great weakness. But in all instances I am learning new ways to depend on the Lord as well as discovering new blessings He has put in my way. Here's a little of what I've learned.

1. In hard times it is immensely important to have loved ones who identify with you. I think of the many cards I got from my church, the visits and most of all my girlfriend, Faith, by my bed every day with me. Also, my immediate family (mom & dad) were faithfully there with me as I laid in a hospital bed. The loving companionship of others is a tremendous blessing that God gives us, and it is even a primary office of Christ Himself that He became a man so as to identify with us (Hebrews 2). Though we fail in our suffering while He endured it perfectly, He is not ashamed to call us brothers.

2. I have learned the importance of looking to Jesus in those times. Jesus identifies with us in our suffering and so He knows just how to comfort us if we but come to Him. But also He is our example; He suffered perfectly and we are called to suffer with His heart.

3. I have learned even more so that God is fiercely passionate about purging His children from sin. There are multiple sins that I struggle with that God has continued to save me from through all of this, the most important being my hyper-planning mentality which fails to have faith in God for my future. God has continually withdrawn my ability to hope in my efforts at all for my future and this has been -super- painful and challenging. But at the same time I know that it comes from a God whose heart is full of love for me and is infinitely faithful to purge me of all sin.

4. I have been comforted that none of my suffering is a judicial punishment for sin in wrath. When Jesus suffered, God was pouring out His fierce wrath on Him for my sin. Every blow from the Roman soldiers and every humiliation all leading to the moment God turned His face on Him as He laid on the cross was the Father's sheer hatred for sin being laid upon Christ. However, as I undergo my suffering of a seizure and tiredness and hospitalization (I hate to even compare it since my suffering is so trite) God does it in full loving discipline as my Father. I will never have to fear an ounce of suffering with God treating me as a Judge--it is all as a Father; and this is because of my dearest Lord Jesus.

5. Lastly, I have learned so much more that "Many plans are in the heart of a man, but the counsel of the Lord will stand" (Proverbs 19:21). God is absolutely sovereign and His plans are good; I am a finite spec who, though my plans seem right in my eyes, they are often evil. No matter how much the course of our lives gets sidetracked, God's plans are never foiled and we can comfort in the fact that His plans are always good. This should lead us to plan with flexibility and more than plan details of our futures we should determine to obey God in whatever circumstance He places us.

Que sera sera.

Reflecting on the Past Week

In the trial, in the prison
When the darkened heart is stricken
In the sickness, on the bed
This is the place where you have said:

Frail wicked son of Mine
My love is wholly thine
In your hurt and in your pain
I intend to bring you gain

Your gain comes by turmoil
Your wealth by distress
Just like with Job’s aching boils
I am seeking your very best

The children of darkness have
All the pleasure that they could ask
I, the sovereign and good God
Love my children by a Father’s rod

You broken and hurting soul
Take heart and look to Christ
For by hardship you will know
That on you God set His eyes

God is separating you from sin
So endure pain and begin
To let patience have its perfect work
Cling to the Spirit and the Word

An OLD Poem on Marriage and Family

I often think of my future
And from the present I often ran
My wife, when will I know her?
And I dream of being a man

But the man I want to be
Is not what some dream
Some think a man is he
who is burly, strong and mean

I want to be none of those things
Instead, I desire to work
Do so early in the morning
And after, give instructing words

I desire to look at a woman
With eyes full of confidence
While she knows I'm a man
Who will never leave her presence

Dependable, yes, and responsible I will be
And my sons will want to be like me
While my daughters desire a husband
Who, like their dad, stood fast and never ran

I want my children to grow and be strong
And not in spite of my example
I want to show them not to live wrong
While being a perfect model

The sum of all this, at the end of the day
When my life is long past
I want to be remembered this way:

"Patrick was a man whose love held fast
He wasn't famous, never very popular
But what we can say at the end
Is this: His wife, he surely loved her
And he also loved his children."